Financial Infidelity: A Hidden Threat to Relationships
Could financial dishonesty be silently eroding your marriage without you even realizing it?
Decades ago, when I was single, I could make financial decisions, go on vacations, or indulge in an expensive hobby like flying an airplane without consulting anyone. However, as a husband and father, I must be accountable to my wife regarding how I choose to spend money.
There are countless stories of husbands and wives hiding their hobby habits from their spouses. Single people engaging in such indulgences are only accountable to their current and future selves, but those in committed relationships—whether in civil partnerships, living with a significant other, or married—should not be committing financial infidelity. Unfortunately, they do, and quite frequently at that.
Financial Infidelity is a form of dishonesty that can break trust in a relationship.
So, What Is Financial Infidelity?
Financial infidelity occurs when someone in a relationship lies or hides information about money. It can involve concealing debts, spending without consent, or misrepresenting income. Examples include:
Hiding debts in a separate account
Making big purchases without telling your partner
Lying about how money is spent
Gambling without your partner's knowledge
Opening a new credit card without your partner's knowledge
The Reality of Financial Infidelity
Before examining the data, let’s address the male-female aspect of financial infidelity: research has shown that men are more likely to have financial secrets than women.
A recent Bankrate survey indicates that 40% of U.S. adults in committed relationships have committed some form of financial infidelity against their current partners. Do you think that harms their relationships? The survey confirmed that 45% of respondents view financial infidelity as comparable to—or worse than—physical adultery.
Think about that for a second. Nearly five in ten adults in a committed relationship would feel the same way about their partner keeping a money secret as they would if they discovered their partner was having an affair. To be precise, Bankrate notes that 38% of those polled view financial infidelity as comparable to physical cheating, while 7% said it’s even worse.
While the Bankrate survey does not directly state that financial cheating is a leading cause of divorce, it does indicate that 40% of adults have committed or are currently engaged in financial infidelity against their partners. Given that the estimated divorce rate in the U.S. is between 40% and 50%, it’s reasonable to infer that financial dishonesty contributes to relationship breakdowns.
Overspending is Bad, But Debt Concealment is Worse
In theory, overspending on a discretionary item and hiding the expenditure seems like the most common form of financial infidelity. Indeed, this is common, as one-third of offenders in the Bankrate survey admitted to doing so.
However, debt accumulation is an even greater concern. Hiding debt and secretly opening credit cards—two sides of the same coin—account for 40% of financial infidelity cases. Hiding debt makes the burden heavier, both financially and relationally.
Preventing Financial Infidelity
Transparency and planning are key to financial health in any relationship.
To prevent financial infidelity, couples should:
Create a Budget Together – Joint financial planning promotes unity.
Discuss Current Accounts Openly – Transparency prevents future conflicts.
Schedule “Money Dates” – Regular check-ins encourage accountability.
A budget isn’t something you set and forget. Sticking to financial goals as a couple means regularly checking income and expenses. If one partner makes a mistake, a money date provides an opportunity to come clean and communicate with honesty and kindness, according to Bankrate.
Financial honesty strengthens relationships. By fostering open communication about finances, couples can build a foundation of trust and avoid the pitfalls of financial infidelity.
